"Forgive and Forget"- Unknown
Most of us have heard this quote at least three or four times in our lifetime. Forgive the ones who have wronged you and forget about whatever took place - the ultimate path to redemption and peace.
At least that is what we have been led to believe. But I often question the validity of “peace and redemption” that is supposedly gained from forgetting.
Are we doing an injustice to ourselves if we choose to forget a situation that made us feel less than or a person that did harm to us or someone we love?
I understand the value in forgiving and moving on. Forgiveness can lead to understanding, peace and even empathy for those who have caused you some form of harm. It can even lessen the grip that pain and anger has on your life and help you to come to terms with the notion that life and it’s occupants are flawed.
But if a person chooses not to forget does that mean they are miserable or incapable of moving on?
Will they never achieve the sense of peace that forgiveness usually brings?
I beg to disagree
Forgiveness means different things for different people. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you. The choice to forgive and the impact on ones life is totally dependent on the person themselves.
To forget the harm done to you or someone you love is pretending that the consequences of their action(s) had no impact on your life.
It is ok to remember that Simone your friend created a fake rhetoric at work that got you fired. You can forgive Simone for her betrayal but there is nothing wrong with remembering that you lost your job because of it. There is also nothing wrong with choosing not to forgive Simone as well.
Forgiveness can bring about emotional stability but you also need to remember the wrong done to you to safeguard yourself from being the victim of the same offence. There is no need to re-hash or re-live the experience on a regular basis, instead we can learn from past experiences, be mindful of the lessons and be ready for inevitable conflicts that will arise.
Forgive and forget on your own terms.
Choose your own path to peace and redemption because only “who feels it knows it”.
Let me know your thoughts on forgiveness.
Until next week.
Julz Journal
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