How to set healthy boundaries

Boundaries are an important form of self-love

It is imperative for all of us to set boundaries for every aspect of our lives and for everyone we interact with. Setting boundaries is important but setting healthy boundaries is the key to establishing respect, accountability and freedom. The standards that you set for your life will dictate how you interact, deal with and behave. It governs our assertiveness, how we speak and think, what we tolerate and our views of self-love and worth. Boundaries define us, showing us where we begin and where we end thereby leading to a sense of ownership and freedom. Setting healthy boundaries is one of those defining acts that separates successful people from unsuccessful people. It is not a matter of saying no to everything but more so saying no to almost everything that negatively impacts your life and threatens your inner peace and identity.

Types of boundaries

Boundaries can take many forms and can range from being rigid to strict to almost non-existent. It is also dependent on the who and what, for example we may have stricter boundaries for the workplace and looser boundaries for our friends and families. Boundaries may even be based on culture and that’s why communication is key.

Physical – This refers to your personal space, your privacy and your body. It sets the tone for what you are comfortable with and willing to tolerate.

Sexual – This focuses on intimacy and our expectations regarding the act itself, the comments, the touches and the encounters in general. What are your concerns, likes and dislikes, what makes you uncomfortable versus comfortable. All of these things need to be communicated to those involved.

Intellectual – This focuses on your thoughts, beliefs and opinions. You set boundaries on what you are willing to accept, the ideas and opinions you are willing to share and the rigidity of your core beliefs and values.

Emotional – This refers to feelings and how you interact with others, what you share, with whom you share and how you share. It is very important to set boundaries when it comes on to feelings so you are comfortable with what you give and receive. This is also dictated by the relationship you have with the person and your comfort level.

Financial – This one is all about money and how you interact with the dollar sign. You can set boundaries with how you spend and save and what you spend on and save towards. This is a boundary you set for yourself and others and will set the tone for your financial welfare.

Ways to set and maintain good boundaries

It is easy to set boundaries but hard to maintain and preserve those boundaries. It is important to preserve the boundaries you set to maintain healthy relationships and to establish new ones. When you understand how to set and maintain boundaries, you can avoid feelings of resentment and anger when your limits are challenged.

Start small: The prospect of introducing boundaries especially for those who have little to none in the first place can be daunting and may backfire if you set too many all at once. You may find yourself overwhelmed and unable to keep up with too many boundaries in the beginning. The key is to start small not only in quantity but quality as well. Introduce boundaries at a pace you are comfortable with. This provides time to reflect on whether your boundaries are heading in the right direction.

Engage in self-reflection: To successfully introduce and maintain healthy boundaries, you need to understand why they are important to you and how they will help your well-being. Take some time and analyze your own behavioral patterns, emotions and reactions. Be your own therapist.

Set them early: Don’t wait to set boundaries when things go wrong or in the middle of a relationship. Setting boundaries from the beginning will set expectations on how you should be treated and thus everyone will know where you stand.

Be consistent: Consistency is key to maintaining healthy boundaries. Being inconsistent can lead to confusion and encourage new expectations from those around you. Keep things steady which reinforces your strong beliefs, norms and values.

Communicate: Those around you cannot read your mind so boundaries need to be communicated to the persons you interact with. You can have discussions about the boundaries you have established and further conversations should you amend or they cross your boundaries.

Self-love: This is most important step. If you want to maintain the boundaries you set, you need to have a strong foundation of self-love. You are your biggest champion and only you are capable of changing your mindset into a positive repository of confidence, self-worth and acceptance. If you think you are worthless then it will be difficult to set healthy boundaries.

What are some of the boundaries you've set for those closest to you?

Until next time...Julz out!