“Allow yourself to feel everything you’re feeling right now. Let the hurt move through you. Then you can move on.”

"It could be worse", words we are caressed with after and during less than favorable circumstances. These words are meant to offer comfort and support but in reality, it's just an empty quote that trivializes what you are feeling. Some of us were taught through implicit or explicit ways, to bottle up our emotions, that wearing our emotions on our ‘sleeve’ is a sign of weakness. Ridiculous! No one is exempt from experiencing emotions. The ability to feel and to express those feelings are what separates us humans from other species. To feel is a non-transactional right that no one can take from us.

As humans we often feel guilty for feeling depressed, anxious or just sad. We have a hard time distinguishing between what we know we feel versus “acceptable” reactions. It is possible to feel grateful for all that you have accomplished while battling depression, anxiety and low mood. You don’t get to choose one or the other, neither does one cancel out the other. It is difficult for some if not most of us to believe we have the right to feel multiple contradicting things all at once.

As of late I have been experiencing varying emotions all at once. I find myself using “it could be worse,” or "I shouldn’t complain" as a way to deal with the differing emotions; secretly hoping that one of those statements would magically fix the problem and I would not have to deal with the resulting feelings. Through behavioral analysis I realized that this method of suppression negatively impacted my mental and emotional health; sadness festered into depression, and stress into anxiety. From these experiences I surmised that the best thing I could do was to allow myself to Feel and Deal; acknowledge the situation and feelings that came with it and deal with those situations and feelings in a healthier fashion. Instead of brushing off the feelings I gave myself ample time to feel and deal. I also accepted that there would be days where I felt like I had taken ten steps back and that I would be frustrated. But that it is “OK”, I wasn’t running a marathon.

Some of you might be dealing with issues threatening to derail your purpose and your peace and you would want to ignore the hurt and the pain because society, parents, spouse or a partner tells you through words and actions to “feel less or nothing at all”. They are WRONG! If crying helps you to cope then create rivers with your tears, if screaming at the top of your lungs helps you to find peace then shatter windows with your voice and if isolating yourself helps you to assess the issues then take all the time you need. We all react differently to situations and we all heal at different paces.

Jennifer Rollin, an eating disorder therapist in Maryland wrote an article titled “3 Reasons To Let Yourself feel Your Emotions” published on Psychology Today. She highlighted three reasons why we should allow ourselves to feel:

1. When you numb your sadness, you also numb your happiness and joy

2. Struggling with your emotions often leads to more suffering

3. Processing and experiencing your feelings are part of having a full life

Click here for Jennifer Rollin's Blog

Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C

I will end this by saying “No one can judge your journey because they have never walked in your shoe”.