One’s perceived sense of self or what some would call “identity” is a complex phenomenon. There’s the person you are at home, which is likely different from who you are at work or school. How you act and present yourself in public may differ from how you interact with loved ones. But which one is your true self? It can be all or none of the above. There is this popular issue called an “identity crisis” – where certain situations elicit a particular behaviour or interaction that causes you to re-evaluate who you are. We face these situations every day and therein lies an old-age struggle of being your “true self”. Most days we struggle with the expectations from our mind, body, environment and society. All instances require specific behaviours and personas. However, while we do face these conundrums every day, exploring who we are and reconciling all circumstances that determine our authentic selves are worthwhile.

Worthwhile? How?

That deep exploration and subsequent self-actualization teaches you self-worth, self-love and acceptance. Putting in the work can be overwhelming, but it’s worth it in the long run.

Let’s go on this journey together…In the next few articles, I will take you on a journey of self-discovery…On Becoming Mo.

Knowing your purpose

I woke up a few mornings ago and headed straight to my prayer closet. It is my favorite place to go, especially when I am feeling as confused and lost as I was that morning. I call this meeting Teatime with God. I set the kettle on the stove filled with water then headed to my prayer closet. Once the water was ready, I made my coffee and headed back to the closet. I started the discussion by stating how confused and lost I felt about my purpose here on earth. I asked him for a sign or some form of confirmation because I felt so disconnected from my job, being a parent, friend and a child of God. Am I qualified or even capable of fulfilling whatever purpose I was created for – have I exhausted my capacity for greatness or am I just occupying space?

We had an eye-opening conversation that morning and as I stood up from the space where I knelt, my spirit led me to a sermon from Sarah Jake Roberts - “Restoring Passion”. The first thing she said was enough to get my heart beating again. She said, “You are qualified for the Job!” “You are the woman for the Job!”

I started saying to myself, “Mo you are qualified, and you are not just qualified but you are Anointed for where you are positioned.” Sarah continued to say that there is a job that only you can do. By this time my adrenaline started pumping. It stirred something in me that got me thinking about my passion/my purpose. To think that when God created me, He created, appointed, and anointed me for a job here on this earth that only Me Mo can do. So without hesitation, I got my pen and paper ready and I started to write.

My Values

Whether it’s family, trust, loyalty, hard work, or kindness, our values and beliefs are what define us and influence our behaviour, interactions and relationships. Our values and beliefs greatly influence how we view the world and others. These values and beliefs come from the sources around us; parents, situations, environment and society in general. Depending on our age, situation, health and even emotional and physical well-being we begin to distinguish the values and beliefs adopted from external sources (parents, environment etc) from those that are intrinsic and by virtue ours. We may either do away with the values adopted from external sources or assimilate and modify them to fit our present and future situations.

For me, growing into adulthood, along with the values and beliefs learned from my parents, I created those of my own; authenticity, transparency, family, spirituality, security, loyalty, trust, hard work, education, and kindness just to name a few.

Strengths

We all have our strengths and weaknesses, both indicators of our purpose on this earth. Our strengths contribute to our individuality and are key factors to our success and identity alignment. Some of our strengths are instinctive and inherent while others we develop and hone over time. People always emphasize the need to improve upon our weaknesses but I believe working to improve your strengths (doing what you’re good at but doing it well) is more important. If I had to pinpoint my strengths I would say:

·       Ability to get along well with others

·       Event planning

·       Good listener

·       Helping others

Self-compassion

Give yourself some credit, it’s okay to pat yourself on the back and say, “good job”. It’s not arrogance or ego, it’s acknowledging that there are things you are doing ‘right’ when everything around you seems to be crumbling. We strive so hard for perfection in all aspects of our lives that we fail to recognize when we are excelling at a few things. This need for perfection only leads to unhappiness and unrealistic perspectives because life is far from perfect, and we are by extension imperfect. If you have a list of “10 must-haves and must-dos” and you’re only ticking two of those boxes, then give yourself some credit. Developing a habit of gratitude and self-compassion will lead to a satisfying and peaceful life.

I constantly beat myself up over mistakes I’ve made and goals I have yet to accomplish while offering advice of self-compassion to others. Now I am learning to take my own advice.

Identify your weaknesses

Weaknesses are internal factors and attributes that leave you at a disadvantage. However, it’s not all doom and gloom because in identifying our weaknesses we prepare ourselves to manage better the things that may impact our lives and put into perspective our limitations in relation to a situation.

My weakness…I am a people pleaser which has gotten me into a lot of problems. I have since been working on knowing my limits and managing this aspect of my personality to lessen the damage.

To be continued.