“If you can learn to love yourself and all the flaws, you can love other people so much better. And that makes you so happy” — Kristin Chenoweth

Every morning when I arrive at work an ancillary staffer would greet me with “You're so in love with yourself” and every morning those words set the foundation for how my day would go. To be transparent, it wasn’t always that way. There were so many things I used to dislike about myself. I didn’t feel good enough, looked good enough or behaved as expected. At my lowest, I felt worthless and lacking in value. Those feelings saw me overcompensating for everything, sacrificing my values, beliefs and happiness to belong. It didn’t work however as I felt rejected every day. I learned through pain and despair that if you don’t love yourself first then you are incapable of building and maintaining meaningful things including relationships.

It is ok to be self-centered. Being self-centered is a matter of perspective. To others you may seem annoyingly arrogant, conceited and self-important but from your own perspective you are embracing the effects of loving yourself with no limitations. You are composed, peaceful, confident and grounded because you understand your value, weaknesses and strengths.

Loving yourself should not be equated to posting pictures and videos on social media under the pretext of showing your followers how happy and perfect your life is. What you are doing is seeking validation from strangers, replacing self-love with how many likes and comments you can get. Loving yourself means appreciating your gifts, talents, and personality. Loving yourself unconditionally means you accept your flaws, your weaknesses and your strengths. For many years I sought affirmation from everyone around me. I paid little attention to my true value and had a hard time associating the word beauty to myself. I feared going to places such as the beauty salon or the clubs because I felt inferior. Even during my college days, I was afraid of being judged and ridiculed so I hid myself at the back of the class. It took years to break those behaviors and I still struggle with those thoughts every day.

Tips to get you on that path to loving yourself unconditionally or reinforcing that love:

As mentioned in previous articles, I keep a journal and I write in it every day. Focus on writing your story. Write down three things you are grateful for every day.

Remove toxic relationships and people from your life. If you are surrounded by friends, family, co-workers and situations that constantly drain your energy and only result in conflicts, disrespect then you need to remove those negative aspects out of your life. Toxic relationships and people hamper growth and self-awareness, things required to establish a cycle of self-love.

Follow your heart. Pursue the dreams you told yourself you weren't good enough to chase or worthy enough to accomplish. Give yourself that opportunity and permission.

Forgive yourself for past mistakes. The past is the past and as cliché as that sounds it’s the truth. We all make mistakes. I know some mistakes have long lasting effects and consequences and a few encouraging words won't fix it right away. Some mistakes require professional help and time. However, that time should be spent on finding ways to move forward and applying the lessons learnt. It’s a waste of time and energy to spend your days beating yourself up for something that you cannot change. That kind of hostility leads to self-hatred and resentment.

Love yourself without restrictions, limitations, perception and norms. Love your body, face, skin color, personality, character flaws and strengths. Every day you wake up adopt a spirit of gratitude because you have been given a new slate to tell your story. A lot of people don’t get that opportunity.

Every day is a chance to change your life.