Outcomes of Self-hatred

It is important to highlight and understand the impact self-hatred and a negative perception of self can have on your life, behavior and relationships. I spent the greater part of my teen and young adult life listening to my inner critic. I believed and acted on the lies I was feeding myself which resulted in loss of opportunities and growth. The self-destructive behaviors that followed involved an eating disorder, isolation and self-sabotage. I was failing not because I was incapable of achieving and growing but because I enslaved my worth, self-esteem and self-confidence. Can anyone else relate to this? The view from outside portrays a confident and well-adjusted young woman but like many of you reading this article, I have perfected the art of hiding my insecurities under a stunning smile, sunny disposition, carefully curated fashion style and kindness. However, if you peel away the layers you will find scars and bruises from past battles with low self-esteem and toxicity.

The idea to start this newsletter sat with me for two years before I found the courage to put things into motion. I allowed my inner critic to convince me that the idea has been done way too many times and my newsletter would get lost in the sea of more interesting publications. For two years I struggled with putting in the effort required to get this series up and running, constantly finding excuses as to why it would not work. Additionally, every time I sat down to write a voice would whisper that the article was not good enough. I became a perfectionist and worried excessively about everything while struggling to get things done. The newsletter was a just another drop in an already filled bucket of neglected dreams and goals. My inner critic painted a picture that was the opposite of my abilities, capabilities and self-worth. As I write this piece I really just want to pause and acknowledge my motivator, God, for showing me I was worthy when I couldn’t see pass the canvas of self-doubt and self-hatred.

There is a fine line between the symptoms and effects of self-hatred; many of the symptoms and resulting outcomes falls within both categories and often times run parallel to each other. This does complicate the identification process and positions itself as a self-fulling prophecy perpetuated by the cause and the effect. This cycle prevents its victims from moving forward, trapped in a pattern of self-loathing and self-destruction. However, the cycle can be broken; temporarily or permanently is dependent on you and your determination to claw your way out. It is not an easy process but with consistent help, patience and courage it is possible and worth it. If you identified with any of the things discussed in the last two issues (Part 1 and Part 2) and want to start this journey, I can help. There are a number of activities and tools you can employ to jump start the process to your re-birth. The onus is on you to take the necessary actions towards self-love. You will have to teach yourself how to love you again.

Click to read how Fennel Seeds can help with anxiety and depression.

Journaling

I always tell my clients journal, journal, journal. Journaling allows one to express their thoughts and feelings away from prying eyes and critics. Additionally, research shows that expressive writing such as journaling can help to reduce psychological distress. Use a journal to reflect on the events of the day and any situation that occurred during that time. Write down how you felt and reacted to the issue to identify the triggers that elicited certain responses.

Engage your inner critic

The behavior of talking to oneself has been stigmatized as a symptom of mental health issues, an unfair label if we are being truthful. As you become more aware of your emotions and triggers and is able to separate your inner critic from your actual self-worth, it is good to deconstruct and dismantle the voices in your head that bely your self-esteem, confidence and value. If you must, challenge those thoughts out loud by asking questions, countering the utterances with evidence and affirmation and taking charge of the situation.

Practice Self-Compassion

Research shows that compassion-focused therapy can improve self-esteem, which could help reduce self-hatred. Cut yourself some slack, no one is perfect! View your situations through an objective lens, one not fogged up with your own self-hate and doubt. When a situation becomes overwhelming and you find yourself reverting to chastisement, make a list of all that you have accomplished and pat yourself on the back. Offer yourself the same advice and leniency you give to a friend, family or acquaintance in a similar position, save some kindness for yourself.

Spend Time with Positive People

This is a common concept that I have repeated in all my issues. I cannot stress enough how important it is to ensure your circle aligns with your outlook on life, behavior and goals. Treat those negative friends as you would your inner critic; dismantle and shutdown.

See a therapist

If you are struggling with your feelings of self-hatred, you might benefit from seeing a therapist. While it’s possible to shift your mindset on your own, a therapist can help you deal with past trauma and guide you to more helpful thinking patterns.

Practice Holistic Self-care

Instead of engaging in self-destructive behaviors, engage in self-care. This means participating in things that promotes healing for your physical, spiritual and mental faculties. Eating healthy, regular exercise, 6-8 hours of sleep, reducing social media and screen time, spending time in and with nature produces benefits that impacts your entire being.

Live Life

Approach everyday as a fresh new start and be proactive by taking advantage of this clean slate. Rather than thinking “What if?” think “What’s next” because you cannot change what has already happened. Most importantly create your own opportunities and live consciously every day.

“Life is a gift, wake up every day and realize that”