“I am who I am. Not who you think I am. Not who you want me to be. I am me.”- Unknown

FEAR and Self Awareness

If we approach the question with an objective lens what we will find is an awareness of self and personhood. Becoming intimately aware of your thoughts, feelings, hopes, and fears is really the endgame; the sought after answer to the question of “Who Am I?”. But what factor inhibit many from finding this answer? FEAR. As we trudge through life, coming face to face with unwelcome emotions we feel the need to hide, shutdown, deny or change. FEAR intensifies ones reluctance to meet or face your situation and emotions. FEAR can be a giant wall or a small pebble, both eliciting the same response; reluctance. Reluctance in dealing with those emotions that will inevitably add to your identity and awareness of self. Fear is said to be the basis of every negative emotion, and it is the one we feel most often, without recognizing it. The young man will return home but will he enter his place of abode. Will FEAR cripple his desires to seek the answers he so desperately craves. Is he afraid of the answers or the “what next?” .

We should not allow Fear to keep us from digging deeper and analyzing our past and present selves. If we understand and acknowledge the context of identity; we evolve through each experience then fear becomes obsolete. Every experience should be met with reflection and analysis of what has happened and how has that changed me as a person. Is the change permanent and does that muddy the concept of my identity? Should I FEAR the change? The answer in the context of identity is no, the change adds on to what you already are.

But who are you? Who am I? I am me and you are you. If you eliminate FEAR, external noise, labels and prejudices and focus on your character, behavior and beliefs you may unearth the real you. What happened to the young man after the meeting at the river? He went home, identified his strengths, weaknesses, quirks and beliefs, eliminated the labels and then devoted himself to painting. He realized that just like a painter, he controls the narrative of his life; his thoughts, emotions, likes, dislikes, and beliefs. A painter about to start a canvas chooses the color pallet, the design, the canvas texture and the concept. He may create a flower today and an elephant tomorrow however those viewing his art may see a tree instead of a flower or a butterfly instead of an elephant. Regardless of what society sees, he is still the owner and creator of those paintings. His concept is the original. Similarly, we own and create our identity and persona. Our behaviors are greatly influenced by our moods, emotions and circumstances but that doesn’t mean we assume a new identity for every bit of change. Just like the painter we get to choose how we react and learn from these circumstances and allow it to become a part of who we already are. We own our own narrative regardless of what society sees. If we look back at the story, the girl the man encountered at the river used the water as an analogy to explain the idea of one’s identity molded by different circumstances. She replied “The water I fetch always comes from the river, but will look different because of the container it is in. Nonetheless it is the same water”.

Re-discovery

If you are at a point in your life where your sense of identity has been muddled, the best approach to rediscovery is to revisit the criteria you have been using to “find yourself”. You need to first accept that your sense of self is malleable as that of a willow tree rather than a sturdy oak. The willow is flexible and adept at surviving the most destructive storms. It bends with the wind while the oak tree is likely to crack. We must then approach life with a little wiggle room for uncertainty, challenges, and life’s nuances. That flexibility allows us to not lose sight of who we are. We may choose to keep parts of our identity that continue to serve us and shed the old habitual pieces that constrain us or we may do away with both. This doesn’t change our concept of who we are but rather it reinforces the notion that we have a deeper sense of self awareness.

We are the painters of our lives; we create, we encounter, we experience, we shed, we change and we build upon.

Be kind to yourself. Be flexible and adaptable. Be your own painter.